5 Things I Don’t Need to Do in My Marriage (and 5 Things I Do)
Recently, in my Facebook group, Married & Manifesting (check it out), we've been discussing how to get him to help around the house and get more of what you want through that help.
I shared that magical tool of visualization (check out the blog) which you can use to get even more help, maybe more help than you thought you could.
Today, I want to talk about what I DON’T have to do.
We have learned some tactics throughout our lives, through society, possibly through our parents or other family members that we have been taught to use, but we've never stopped to think about if they're helpful or even actually useful.
We're taught to nag to be passive-aggressive, push and push until we can't take it anymore. Then we blow up. These are the behaviors that we were taught, and if you take a step back and ask yourself, are any of these behaviors helpful? The answer is no.
Things I DON’T have to do in my marriage.
I don't have to nag.
I don't have to slam doors, cabinets, or drawers.
I don't have to be passive-aggressive.
I don't have to complain to other people.
I don't have to fight to have my needs met.
In contrast, when I need something, I get crystal clear on what I need and take action myself to get closer to that thing that I've decided that I need.
Practicing and completing the following ensures that our (my husband and my) relationship stays good, that we remain in good standing with each other and that we're not only getting along but loving our life together. This is so important to me. How do I do that, you ask?
Things I MUST do in my marriage.
I pay attention to my energy.
I make sure that I take care of myself.
I practice appreciating myself.
I trust myself to relax.
I trust him to get things done.
I want to break these down a little further.
I pay attention to my energy - I ask for what I want with an energy that says I expect to get it. When you approach someone or something with an energy where it's clear that you don't think you're going to get whatever you're asking for, you're not going to get what you ask for. If you do, it's going to be in a way that you can't appreciate it, or it's going to be in a way that is not what you were hoping.
I make sure I take care of myself - When I first started doing this work, I remember thinking, I'm doing all of these things by myself, I'm communicating with myself, I'm working on my own energy, etc., then ultimately, what do I even need a spouse for? My answer to that question is you don't need a spouse. Your spouse is the cherry on top. You want to be centered and well-grounded within yourself.
I practice appreciating myself - I had a bad day last week, and I concluded that I was feeling like this because I did not feel appreciated. The problem was I was relying on outside forces (my husband, my children) to make me feel appreciated instead of appreciating myself. When I put my finger on what was bothering me so much, I took a break and made myself a shake. It was a sunny day, so I went to the roof, drank my shake, and sat there appreciating myself. That might sound kind of weird, but that is what I did to help me feel better.
I trust myself to relax - Say it with me. It is safe for me to receive help. It is safe for me to receive support.
I trust him to get things done - Remember that when you ask for help, you have to release the HOW and the WHEN of how that gets completed.
This is all simple, but it's not easy. It takes practice, and you're never going to be perfect.
Please allow yourself to look at what you might be doing right now that isn't serving you or your marriage. Then take a look at the list that I shared of what I do in my marriage.
If you look closely, you'll discover that everything I have to do in my marriage to make it successful is all for me. If I practice all of those for myself, the marriage ends up taking care of itself.
Want to know how you can continue to work on and be aware of what choices you’re making in your marriage? Come join the FREE Married & Manifesting Facebook Group! It’s a magical corner of the internet where we are constantly talking about how we can uplevel our marriages and lives.